Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Weight Loss - Still losing...

I haven't made a post about my weight loss in a long time. I had a weigh in appointment today and I have lost another 4 pounds! I seriously was surprised because I thought for sure I would have had a gain. I have now lost a total of 62 pounds and I still am working out on a regular basis.
WARNING - I know I have a tendency to RAMBLE on and on. As I am sure you have discovered in previous posts. Well this post below is clearly a RAMBLE so I just want you to be aware.
Confession Time: Peanut M&M's

I have had a hard time the past few weeks though with my weight loss. I still have been pretty strict, however I decided one day to have some peanut M&M's. And I have just been out of control with them ever since. The first 50 pounds that I lost, I was as you all know as strict as anyone could possibly be on this diet. I still had the cravings for sweats, but I didn't really have cravings for anything else. I would go days craving a candy bar, it would drive me crazy. But I stuck to my plan and after a few days I would be fine. Well, once I got to my 50 pound mark, I started to think "I can have a little something". I battled for a week about it. I mean I know how I am and I am so extreme. For me it is all or nothing, it is black or white, their is no gray area. That is just how I am. How do you think I lost 50 pounds in a little over 3 months? Anyway, I was reading in the book from Dr. Hendricks about the Glycemic Index and how making "choices" on food based on that. To make it simple, everything is based on an index or measurement of the effect that food has on your blood sugar. White bread is given a number of greater than 100% which is a rapid inducer, which is the worst choice. He lists a bunch of Carbs that fall into that category. As far as I am concerned I want to stay away from those for the rest of my life. Then he lists some Moderate Inducers with a Glycemic Index between 50-80%. Finally he lists some Reduced Inducers, which are the best choice. They have a Glycemic Index of 30-50%. On there he notes that it would be a better choice to choose Peanut M&M's over just plain milk chocolate because the high fat content, with the peanuts (protein) will retard the rate of absorption in to the body. So, since I lost my 50 pounds, I decided that it would be o.k. to choose to have some peanut M&M's. I was so nervous about doing this because I know how I am and I was worried I would go way overboard. Of course I was right. So I went a bought a little bag of peanut M&M's. They tasted so good! I felt like I had never tasted anything so good. I went a few days and decided to buy some more. This time I got a one pound bag. BIG MISTAKE, I didn't just have one handful, I had a couple. As time went on, I just kept buying them and the bottom line is, I now eat at least 1/2 pound of peanut M&M's each day. I know that it isn't good to do that. Even though in my mind it was the best choice, I know that Dr. Hendricks intention was not for me to eat a 1/2 pound everyday!!!!!!! Give me a break! So, then I have had to deal with the guilt I have been feeling. I wake up in the morning upset with myself that I gave into the temptation. Not only did I give into the temptation, but that I would go so out of control with it. So all day I would stick to my diet. Then when I got home I would just crave the Peanut M&M's like crazy. In the past (the first 50 pounds) I would have cravings, but I wouldn't give in. Now I was at a point where I wouldn't fight it much. I would try and talk myself out of it, go for a walk, or do something else to try and get my mind off of it. Then I would become irritable and I would just give in. When I would eat the peanut M&M's I just had this feeling of relief. I mean it is like I am an alcohalic or a drug addict and I needed a fix. As soon as I got it, I was fine. I was fine the rest of the night. It wasn't until morning time that I had the guilt. Well, I was so eager for my appointment today. I really needed to be put back on track. My last appointment was on 3/28 and I am supposed to go every two weeks. However, with being out of town and my hectic schedule I just couldn't fit it in. Anyway, I got on the scale and realized I had lost 4 pounds. Granted it had been three weeks since my last weigh in appointment, and I have had weeks where I lost 4 pounds in one week, I was still grateful that I hadn't gained 10 pounds! I am sure that why I didn't gain and even lost is because I have still been very consistent with my working out and very consistent the rest of the time on my diet. Thank goodness for that. Anyway, when I met with Stacia she asked how the diet was going. I told her about my Peanut M&M problem and told her that she needs to chastise me. That is what it is going to take for me to stop eating them. She told me that I wasn't supposed to be having the Peanut M&M's period. That list is for people who are on the maintenance program. I am still on the very low calorie diet. Well, that was all I needed to hear about that. Peanut M&M's are out the door. I can't have them, and that is all there is to it. I know that next week is going to be hard because I will suffer withdrawals from them. But I can do it. I have all the tools I need and I just need to make up my mind that I am not going to do it. She said some other really nice things that made me feel really good. She told me that I have been so successful with this diet and there is no reason for me not to meet my goal in a few months. I just have to stay as focused as I was the first 50 pounds and I can do it. I told her I am happy with the way I look and feel now. Then she said "Well think of how happy you will be when you are another 40 pounds lighter" That is true, I know that in 40 pounds from now I am going to look back at pictures I took recently and think I look so huge in them. So I am sure the reason why I haven't really said much about my weight loss on my post for the past month is because of those darn Peanut M&M's and I just didn't feel like writing anything about it. I guess in a way I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I failed. In all reality I didn't fail, I am still losing weight, I am still going to continue to lose weight, and I don't know why I feel like I always have to please everyone. I talked to Stacia about how when I wanted the Peanut M&M's I wasn't hungry. I just wanted them. She said that even when I meet my goal, I need to be aware of why I am eating. I know I am an emotional eater. What I need to do, is find out why. I mean I have my idea's, but I just need to turn my focus onto other things. I know I have a problem, I just don't know how to solve it. I may need to go to counselling over it. I am serious, I really need to overcome it and conquer this weakness that I have. I have proven to myself that I can use self control. I have proven to myself that when I put my mind to something and set a goal I can do it. I have to remember the amazing progress I have made. I have to remember that I have lost a huge amount of weight in such a short amount of time. It hasn't been easy. It has been so hard, but it has been so rewarding emotionally, physically, and mentally. I have to stay focused on the positive and not let this little slow down in my weight loss get me down.
So anyway, I am getting refocused and am banning myself from Peanut M&M's. WISH ME LUCK!


Mr. Jones said...

Gosh, Amy, I was just saying... Now you are going to have a complex about that aren't you? I am sorry.

Reuel and Ana said...

Good post Amy. I know how you feel. I will write you an email.

Rebekah said...

Well, Recognition, and Confession are the first steps to recovery.
(Yeah, that was a ramble, thanks for the warning)! :)

andrea said...

Great ramble. Good luck resisting the peanut M&M's. I have a chocolate addiction too.